…because it makes me HAPPY.

You know, it’s interesting. In light of my last post, I realized today that I religiously wear a fragrance that is by no means chemical free. It is not “all natural.” It’s not homemade. It’s certainly not certified organic. Dior Hypnotic Poison. Even the name of it sends shivers down my spine. I discovered this scent while living in Italy. My flatmate took me shopping, being the beauty and cosmetic genius that she is, and helped me choose a fragrance that I adore. I must have sniffed a billion fancy little glass bottles, with espresso beans in between to “cleanse the palette,” before falling in love with Hypnotic Poison.

I identify intensely with scent. An aroma can immediately transport me to another time. Certain scents remind me of my mom, immediately and profoundly, and I usually have to call her right away because I’m so moved by the experience. Some beings react this way to taste, some to sounds, some to the touch of certain fabrics, surfaces, what-have-you. 

In light of this morning’s post, I simply find it intriguing that I’ve chosen to obsess over the purity of things in the very recent months, and yet I’m spritzing on this fine perfume most days completely ignoring the health hazards. And you know what?

I don’t care.

I love my perfume. It brings me back to my time living in Florence, to a carefree time brimming with passion, heady romance, and the discovery of a deeply sensual connection to myself. The fragrance smells a certain way on me, mixing with my own body chemistry, producing an aroma that I receive compliments on everyday. Even if no one ever complimented my scent, I’d keep wearing it. It’s the single frivolous, overpriced “beauty” purchase that I succumb to, and I’ll continue to succumb willingly. It makes me happy

That being said, I feel like a dingbat and a half for freaking out over taking a half of an ibuprofen a couple times a day until the pain from my injury subsides. 

Like, really???

Chill out girlfriend.

My lifestyle is one of health and wellness, to the max. I am, however, not guaranteed longevity due to my ways of utmost wellness. I don’t mean this morbidly, it’s simply realistic. I don’t live the way I do simply for longevity, I live this way because it makes me happy (are you noticing a theme?). I make everything that I can on my own because it makes me happy. I recycle, conserve and care for the planet because it makes me happy. I eat a healthy, superfood rich, vegetarian, plant-based diet because it makes me happy. I walk and bike and practice yoga because – you guessed it – it makes me HAPPY!!!

So, the moral of my little OCD-driven, sadly “first world problem” story this week is this:

Cut the stress. Enough with it! Stress doesn’t make me happy! All of those things up there ^^^ THEY make me happy. This life I lead, defined by my own terms, makes me happy. Worrying over silly sh*t…no, that does not make me happy. So, just as I would switch the radio from the drone of a babbling ignoramus to something that makes sense, I change the frequency of my mind.

I love mantras, and the mantra of this new brain station is this:
I live my life, according to my own terms, because it makes me happy.

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3 thoughts on “…because it makes me HAPPY.

  1. While I just read your previous post from this one minutes ago then I stumbled upon this later post, which I resonate and agree with your title post here – “because it makes me happy.” Yup, that’s what I would’ve commented in verbatim and glad that it becomes like a good sequel to the conversation. I admire and applaud your courage to challenge yourself, and ask yourself some hard questions at times. It’s not easy sometimes to challenge your own beliefs. I love that you’re staying true to yourself and being strong for what you believe in, but more so that you’re open to change and adjust. You’re absolutely right, it’s not “all or nothing.” I fall into the similar traps a lot even today. Those self explorations take different shapes (i.e., taking ibuprofen or any “medications” or living a chemical free life) at certain points of your life.

    “My lifestyle is one of health and wellness, to the max. I am, however, not guaranteed longevity due to my ways of utmost wellness. I don’t mean this morbidly, it’s simply realistic. I don’t live the way I do simply for longevity, I live this way because it makes me happy” — WOW. Bravo young lady! 🙂

    • Josie . . .
      Thank you so much for reading, and for the thoughtful response(s). Both mean the world to me.
      It’s not easy to challenge one’s own beliefs, thank you for the support in my doing so. It’s so heartwarming to unearth truths I don’t want to unearth and write confessions that I don’t necessarily want to write, challenging my comfort zone to the max, and to receive such caring responses.
      The “all or nothing” thought process is toxic, isn’t it!? You are wise in calling these little episodes “self explorations.” It’s a much gentler term than the self-deprecating language my mind sometimes uses instead. It brings to light that this is natural. Even something as silly as the decision to wear fine perfume or take ibuprofen – it seems so trivial, and yet it’s connected to something so much bigger . . . the exploration of a world where toxicity is avoided, chemicals are feared, purity and cleanliness in food, products and lifestyle are revered . . . I’m learning that, as intoxicatingly wonderful as a pristine life of health sounds, it’s causing me far more stress (and physically manifesting as pain and injury in my body!) than the approach of, “Meh, I keep a damn healthy lifestyle because it makes me happy, and I’m only human, I love me some fine perfume and some ibu to heal a painful injury. I treat my body like a temple, it can take it.” Or something like that 😉
      I meant what I said about not being guaranteed longevity. I’d prefer not to live a life of fear and stress over needing things exactly one specific way (i.e.: chemical free, vegan, purified, perfectly orderly, or WHATEVER the obsession may be) because any day could be my last. While it terrifies me to even think that way, it’s reality. It’s far more beneficial to live a life of care, wellness and joy; I don’t want to waste any days sick with stress over trying to perfect the trivial details of self exploration, much less my last day.

      As for the perfume, it’s magical how something can deliver to the senses vibrant, tangible joy, is it not?! Le sigh, I love my fragrance. Fitting like a good hug is a great description.
      Thanks again sweet soul ❤

  2. Btw- I have a similar relationship with my favorite fragrance (yes, it’s “my” signature fragrance). OMG… it’s been more than 10 years since I bought my first bottle of it, and just earlier this summer for some reason, I started to think of it. And something deeper in my body or memory imprint craved it like nobody’s business, it was a strong pull and almost feel like I just couldn’t live without it. So I got myself my 2nd bottle after its long LONG absence. And it still fits me like a full body hug every time. It’s so incredible that you can describe it vividly.

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