This morning I practiced with the divine Melanie Salvatore-August, as I am so blessed to do every weekend now that teacher training has begun. She ignited in my soul a message:
BE THE LIGHT. Be a sister to every human being, every neighbor, every other beautiful soul that shares this sacred space, this intricate Universe. Extend love and light to one another. WHEREVER you are, be this. Do this. Extend this. There’s no waiting for the perfect time, the perfect setting, the perfect version of yourself; it IS the perfect time, it IS the perfect setting, you ARE perfect. The time is now. Our neighbors and our own Selves need healing NOW. We need love, compassion, understanding, open hearts. It’s cyclical. It’s contagious. It’s ever-present if we simply awaken and tap in.
Melanie has a way of making me feel grateful and happy to be alive. I’ve not yet put my finger (as my introduction to her Tribe was rather recent) on what it is about this woman that has the capacity to make me feel overjoyed to be on this planet. I leave her presence feeling like no matter WHAT happens, no matter what might occur in my life, I will always have the power to be happy. To be okay. To heal. To be unafraid. To love myself. To think kind thoughts towards myself (the part I’ve struggled most with in my short time here on earth). I tried to explain this to my mom on the phone today. She seemed to understand what I was blabbering, as she’s my mom and could understand my entire point from my facial expression alone. I told her how I feel pretty okay most of the time, apart from the prospect of ever having to live without my parents, without her (as she’s my sounding board for literally everything, all of the time). She understood, naturally. Neither of us can bear the thought of not speaking for a day much less ever having to walk this earth without the other. I continued on to say some jumbled business about how I leave Melanie’s classes feeling fearless.
This did not correlate in any way to the horrific concept of losing and having to live without a loved one, nor did I say I feel okay with the idea after these yoga classes. What I suppose I was conveying with that soliloquy was this:
I have been leaving Melanie’s classes so radically enlivened that the polar opposite of those emotions could only be described as the deepest possible agony.
In as many words: I’m experiencing my highest possible bliss after her influence.
What a gift that is, am I right? Can you even imagine? I trust Melanie will teach me her magic, the magic of how to cultivate that feeling all by myself, within loneliness, within joy, outside of the yoga studio, within my own heart every single day. I also trust I’ll eventually be able to pinpoint just what it is about her that stimulates such a sense of strength, empowerment and unconditional love within me.
Lately I’ve been feeling a bit “trapped” in my job. I had typed “profession” but have trouble considering it a “profession” since it’s a grocery store. I have nothing against working for a grocery store, in fact it’s quite the opposite; it’s a wonderful and positive place and I’m blessed to have a job. I’m blessed to have my job (I just needed to say that again). The thing is this: I was hired while I was still in college, and I was part-time. I’m now graduated and working there full-time. Perhaps it’s a combination of being asked 800 times if I’m going to go get a “real job” now (by customers, especially!), if I’m still there because I’m going to pursue grad school, what I’m going to “do next,” and the societal pressures to rush out and use my degree, (for crying out loud!). Yeah, it could be a combination of those things. It’s also just me. Me being a perfectionist. Me thinking, “You’re not doing it right. You’re not doing it well enough. You need to do better.” Me not practicing Ahimsa.
Well, you know what? I walked out of class today thinking, “Wow…I’m not having the sinking feeling in my heart that I had last weekend. As I was leaving my first round of yoga teacher training courses, I had a pit in my stomach just thinking of having to spend the whole week at work, away from the studio and all the positivity that lifts me up so high. I would have to go work in customer service all week, busy and drained, arriving home too late to take any yoga classes and too exhausted to dedicate energy to my small mountain of teacher training homework.
Complain, complain, complain.
Self-fulfilling prophecy. The week was pretty rough. I worked long days. I was very sleepy. I was pretty anxious. I developed some mantras, but I stressed. I craved more downtime, I craved the yoga studio, I craved the feeling of peaceful relaxation, I craved the blessed practice of simply taking my time.
Then today happened. I had a bit of an epiphany. I realized (out of something that Melanie said, though in my blissed out state I didn’t pinpoint just what the sentence or phrase was) that the emotions that were spilling out of my every pore, filling my heart so full it was threatening to burst, pulling the edges of my mouth up into a goofy, sweaty grin…I take that feeling with me everywhere I go. It is mine. It is wherever I am. You know the kind of feeling I’m talking about? The kind you get after spending time in the presence of someone who truly uplifts you? The kind you get when someone practices a soul-stirring, random act of kindness? The kind you get when you are so filled with love you think you might float away? That feeling goes with you, stays with you, wherever you are.
Profound, right? Simple. True. Perhaps even obvious. But profound.
I proceeded to enjoy one of the most uplifting days of my life. I trust this feeling will spill over into the coming week, and work will feel like a whole different world.
Be blissful. Be the light. BE gentle, kind, loving and compassionate with yourself, with everyone around you. I realized today that, while I’m not in my dream career yet, I am blessed with a job in which I’m able to support myself financially, pursue the endeavors that are the building blocks of my dream career (my BA in English; Creative Writing, the YogaWorks Teacher Training, Bauman College of Holistic Nutrition). I am blessed with the opportunity to reach out to hundreds of people every single day. I am blessed with the capability of lifting the hearts and spirits of each and every person who comes through my line, of each and every sister and brother that I encounter. That’s my choice. What a beautiful gift, am I right? How exquisite that I’m able to interact with that many people every single day! Just imagine the ripple effect I can create now that I’m aware of this possibility…
I can be the light, wherever I am. Be the light, wherever you are. Bottle up that joy and take it with you. Then uncap it and let it out, spill out all of your light and love…wherever you are.