I’m Listening Now

I followed my intuition, and it led me to …

my Self.

It’s empowering to follow one’s intuition. It’s liberating. It’s like sipping in cool, fresh air after holding one’s breath. It’s like coming up for air after being pressurized underwater, lungs tiring, compressing.

I followed my intuiton today with more conviction than I ever have before…and it was awesome.

What I didn’t anticipate was the ensuing flood of emotions. They were subtle, but I am very in touch with my subtle body, as much if not more so than my physical body.

I noticed that I was able to see myself clearly today. Faintly, I could see through the cloud cover that so often blurs my perception of myself. Instead of getting caught up in my normal fight with the “comparison game,” (I’m sure you’ve played it, the “she’s doing it so I should to it,” or “that person’s in running gear I should really run,” or “he thinks I should _____ so maybe I really should ______…) I saw myself clearly. Honestly. Perfect in my flaws.

She may be doing that, but I’m doing this. Because I’m me, not her. That person may be in running gear but I’m a yogi, and a walker. Because I’m me, not them. He may think I should  _____ but I’m going to _____ because it’s up to me, not him.

You’d be hard pressed to see the above in the transcripts of my internal monologue.

I suddenly was flooded with memories. Fairly pristine memories of childhood, reminders of who I am, gentle and heartwarming recollections that soothed my sense of Self. Such understated twinklings that, had I not been so in tune, might have slipped right past me.

It is empowering to listen to one’s own intuition. The humming, singing, whispering presence of intuition.

Simply hearing it, listening to it and following it, thereby liberating oneself from the opinions of others!

Liberation. 

Liberation from the penetrating, frankly insignificant opinions of others. Opinions of other can prove so beneficial, or they can prove hauntingly debilitating…the baggage overshadowing the fine light that is our Truth, what we truly know all on our own.

As I drove home tonight from a great yoga class taught by my goddess friend Mandy, I suddenly burst into tears. Just sitting at a red light. Initially I was taken aback but, as a seasoned yogi, it only took a matter of moments to pin my emotional fireworks on the heart opening sequence we’d just practiced. Dhanurasana waterworks!

The heart opening practice was amazing and I felt a huge release occur for me physically, made evident by how I had to literally drag my own arse out of the studio. I highly doubt I was in a state to drive. So, what was being held up? What was I holding captive, or hostage, if you will, in my heart space?

I only recently began following my intuition unquestioningly. I’ve always listened to it, always heard it, but I’ve also always sought a second opinion. As if I couldn’t possibly know all on my own what direction to head. I saw my intuition as the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. Maybe this way…orrrrr that’a way! I tiptoed cautiously down my yellow brick road whenever I had to make the decision all by my lonesome. I bolted daringly ahead when I’d received a second opinion. Sometimes I hungered so desperately for that other opinion, that light that would surely guide me, that my own intuition, my own piercing light, was totally lost in the fog. Completely smothered by insecurity. Well…

I’m listening now.

I hear it. I see it. I am following it. I’m perfectly aware that the scarecrow may at times point two different ways, with crisscrossed arms, to try and throw me off. It’s to be expected. That’s life. There are many ways up the mountain. But now I’m in charge of what route I take.

Others may disagree, and that’s going to be hard as hell for me to stomach. I already know that. But I’m going to stomach it anyway. I’m going to forge ahead knowing that the sweet release of having trusted my “gut” will conquer any sourness left by the fear of disappointing them.

Them.

Who are they anyway? They can’t possibly know what’s better for me than I do and, if they’re so important to me, they can’t possibly want anything but the best for me. Right?

Right.

See, there I go listening to myself 😉

Be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Set the goal and then do it, be it. Be unapologetically true to yourself (yes I’m talking to us both). Climb that mountain the way you think you should and anyone that thinks you’ll fall, and has the balls to shout it out, will bow their heads in reverence when you finally, eventually, inevitably make it to the top. When bits of gravel are falling from the skies as you scuff your feet on the edge of the cliff, lungs full of air, heart beating wildly, intoxicated by the pure adrenaline of your own intuition.

Because you will make it up that mountain.

And when you do, you’ll throw back your head and call out into the vast, open air, “I’m listening now…”

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