In Pursuit of Yes

Positive thinking. It’s a powerful tool of manifestation, is it not? You might be like me and spend every waking moment manifesting, channeling out into the Universe your YES, magnetically drawing into your life what it is that you want…but the truth is that your no still exists. The fears, dread, worries and anxieties make up the no. This no lies deeply buried (or not so deeply buried for some) in the subconscious. But the subconscious always wants its say…

It’s normal for the no to exist. There can’t truly be a yes without a no. They are One. Yin and yang. Togetherness. The no reenforces why we choose the yes, day after day. The darkness and light. The ugly and beautiful. The two poles. The no is what holds our yes up on its back, dripping sweat and groaning, crouched down in the shadows to hold the yes up high in the sunlight; triumphant.

We all have yes, and we all have no. It’s a fact of life. It’s how the universe operates. Choosing yes does not negate the existence of no, but in our black and white thinking we like to think that that’s exactly what it does.  So we bury the no. And, like Poe’s Tell-Tale Heart, such no cannot stay buried long. It cannot stay boarded up, unheard, ignored. It will beat, steadily, even if we’re the only one’s who can hear it…it will make itself known.

My no has been coming out lately in my sleep. It visits me in the form of eerie, restless dreaming, Sometimes the dreams are bad. Sometimes they’re just bizarre. Sometimes I don’t remember any details of the dream but rather the feeling I had throughout…anxious, searching, danger lurking.

Right now my dad is going through some health struggles. I’ve written briefly about them and, for the sake of his privacy, I’ll just say it has to do with the heart. The fix? Open heart surgery. Cue the silence.

My no is losing my dad.

I know I’m not going to, that’s my yes, he’s going to recover from this procedure with flying colors. He’s healthy. It’s not a procedure to rectify clogged arteries or anything he did “wrong.” He is vibrant, fit and capable. I am certain he will be absolutely fine and will come out of this possibly n better health for having experienced this.

The no comes out in my dreams. I’ve dreamt once that my dad died, once that both my parents died and, two nights ago, that my mom told me, “Daddy’s dying.”

That little devil of the subconscious who likes to croon let me play out the worst case scenario just to torture you has been eighty-sixed from my waking mind. So the sneaky little punk comes to see me when I’m trying to rest.

Nobody’s dying. That’s the reality. Yes, I think it’s awful that my poor dad has to go through this. It’s terrifying, stressful, and physically taxing (you all know how this holistic healer feels about pharmaceuticals). But I know he’s going to be alright.

So what is with the subconscious mind play then?

I’m not going to say I’m doing anything wrong by focusing on the positive. I’m doing my best to not suppress my fears. Suppressed fears typically come out in dreams and such. I’ve been aiming to acknowledge them and then let them go, because they are not my reality. I am manifesting my reality, which is the positive. The healthy. The happy.

What is the difference between suppression and the ever-present, underlying no that exists as an opposing force to our all-encompassing yes?

Awareness. In acts of suppression our intention is to not feel. We convince ourselves that the no doesn’t exist. That the world is all yes. On the other hand, is awareness of the no and conscious choosing of the yes.

But even in consciously choosing yes, in mindfully constructing a reality around beneficial energy, the no finds a way to remind us that it’s there. For me, it’s been through my dreams.

I have noticed the energetic effect on me. I find myself feeling slightly anxious here and there, not sure why, and then bits of my dreams will come back to me. The eerie scenery, the shifty, shadowy nature they sometimes take on, the common theme of uncertainty woven into each one. Dreams are fascinating. Emotions are fascinating. So long as we don’t let them consume us, that is, and so long as we don’t identify with them.

Easier said than done, that’s for certain.

Anyway, the energetics of restless sleep are no joke. It’s detectable in one’s mindset, attention span and nerves how restful slumber has been. Even the nights when I get a long bout of sleep, I still wake with this sensation of tumultuous dream activity. Like my spirit goes wandering in the night in search of answers, a cure, the solution.

Perhaps writing this out will be enough to put my subconscious to rest. There there now, little one, you’ve been heard. Now put your head down and catch a few winks. Let the rational mind do desire’s bidding.

Perhaps that’s it, the being heard. To be heard is all any of us ever want. Why would the subconscious feel any different?

It’s a dance, navigating the mind space; one that requires swift, nimble feet and a strong spirit. Though our feet may get tripped up at times and our energy occasionally wanes, there is one thing that’s certain –

our bold spirit will never stop in its unapologetic pursuit of yes.

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2 thoughts on “In Pursuit of Yes

  1. love it! what a perfect analogy of “the nos” in the Tell Tale Heart. I definitely find myself trying to shove those nos away into a corner, and they do never quite fit wherever I put them.

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