Purging Noxious Relationships

Today I ended a friendship.

Not in an I hate you and don’t want to ever see you again kind of way. But in a this is not serving me kind of way. It is our responsibility in this life to keep up our “mental hygiene,” as my master teacher calls it, but it’s also our responsibility to do some cleansing in terms of the company we keep.

The people we surround ourselves with speak volumes about who we are, and who we are becoming. Whether we like to admit it or not.

That’s why it’s imperative to purge our lives of toxic relationships!

The purpose of today’s essay is to reinstate a vow I took to myself a spell ago. It’s a vow of honesty, luminescence, if you will. A vow to fill my life only with the most luminous, clear, truthful people, experiences, thoughts, actions and intentions. Such things make our lives, after all, and when I learned that I made the vow without ever looking back.

Today I spoke to a friend who I’ve only known for a short span of time. I’ve sensed from the get-go that this person was not going to be a luminary in the realm of friendship. I knew, and yet I embarked on a friendship anyway. I am not one to judge any person or situation without a deeper look. I felt a connection to this person and was interested in exploring why I felt compelled to build a friendship despite my intuitive conclusion.

Since meeting, we’ve experienced a very intense friendship. Now, I’m a very intense person. Not in a bad way, but intense nonetheless. Intense can be bad, of course, and it can also be very good. It’s just a quality that I am aware I possess, and I am very mindful as to how and where I channel it in my life. I use the intensity deliberately, to mitigate negativity and radiate beneficial energy. That’s my intention, at least.

So this friend happened to meet me during a very intense transition. Being a healer, I couldn’t help but connect on that level. I want to heal. I want to help others through transition, as I lived a long while suspended in “limbo,” unable to transition without knowing where my feet would go. I don’t like to see people suffering. I care deeply, about friends and strangers alike. I like to think we all do.
So, I communicated clearly what my intentions were, literally what I had to offer (friendship and nothing but, see my recent post for clarification, ha!), and we were off to the races.

I’m a very intuitive person. I learn this about myself more and more as time passes. I have met a couple of souls along my journey, like my divine teacher and soul sister Mel, who are also tapped into their intuition in this way. It’s made me feel more at home in the often unnerving sensation of being able to read deeply into energetics. It’s not like a woohoo I’m so special, I’m so intuitive, look at me… It was always more like whoa, this is wacky, people are going to think I’m weird, how do I feel so much when so little has actually happened. I’m coming into my intuition, as I grow and evolve, and I’m learning to harness it in the most beneficial way.

That being said, I intuitively knew that ish had hit the fan with said friend, in just a 24-hour period of not even seeing them or hardly speaking to them. I could just tell.

In a recent post I wrote about being slapped with truth. Since coming to terms with that experience, I’ve found myself increasingly grateful for it…and increasingly appreciative of the beautiful friend who “slapped” said Truth on me! She gave me such a gift in providing me with her Truth. The episode has offered me so much growth and I found myself thanking her again today for her true friendship and for being honest and open with me. What ensued was a deep heart-to-heart, just the two of us and our yoga mats after everyone else had vacated the studio. Bonding as our sweat dried and we mutually expressed with half smiles how the experience shook, frightened, empowered and changed us. We are so much closer now and, after enduring it, I am certain we will be friends for life. One never knows when one offers such Truth how it will be taken. Even the receiver doesn’t know if it will be a game ender or a strengthener, until it’s been processed. I’m deeply satisfied with the conclusion.

The reason I bring this up again simply to illustrate a point. That is the kind of friendship I have space for in my life. The human beings I count as my friends are people who inspire, uplift, teach, challenge and empower me. We have neither the space nor the time for people who drain, stress, irritate and hinder our ability to thrive. 

So that is why I chose today to remove myself from this new friendship. I probably was a bit harsher than necessary, but I’m defensive of my positive lifestyle. Nothing but beneficial energy, is a mantra of mine. Since I’d known all along that there was negative energy in attendance, the biting tone was likely more appropriately directed towards myself. Listen to your intuition, girl! It never steers you wrong. After all, I’m the one that invited this toxicity into my life when I entertained the idea of a friendship with this person. I knew better, and yet I tried to be a good friend anyway. What I ended up with was an irritating scenario that left me feeling grumpy, frustrated and a bit sapped. Like my good energy was being sucked dry by the toxicity.

No, thank you!

But you know what the cool thing is? It’s a lesson learned. We must be mindful of who we let into our lives, because our prana is at stake. Our vital life force. Even in just ordinary friendships, our sacred powerhouse of hard-earned energy can be siphoned, like gas from our tank by a stranger in the dark of night.

Don’t let that happen. Take a look at your life, your relationships; friendship, personal, professional, romantic…take the blinders off and look deeply into the people you’ve formed unions with in your life and ask yourself, are these bonds serving me? Are they offering nothing but beneficial energy?

If there are any “no’s” when you do that inventory, you know what to do.

Don’t let them siphon your prana. The toxic people. Don’t let them. Bar them, kindly, from your life. 

You don’t need to be harsh or mean, you don’t need to sweep them out that very moment. The people themselves are not bad, they’re more than likely really genuinely good people. Either the combination of their energy with your energy is toxic, or they’re experiencing toxicity in their own life that is reflected in your experience with them. Whatever. Either way it’s not welcome in your happy, holistically healthy life. Just become cognizant of their presence and move towards distancing yourself from these relationships. In moving towards that, you move away from resistance. 

Allowing these people to remain in our lives puts little holes in our shield. Don’t let that happen.

This is the R^3 Movement! Be radically in charge of your life! Be revolutionary in your decision making. Be radiant in your interactions. Because, after all, we only have so much time in this one precious life. Let’s not let our carefully cultivated energy leak out all over the place. Keep whole and hole-less by setting diligent standards around the kinds of people you allow into your intimate life, the kinds of relationships you will tolerate being a part of. You are the most precious thing in your life, so put yourself first. I promise, lovebursts, your mind, spirit, body and prana will all thank you, emphatically 🙂




4 thoughts on “Purging Noxious Relationships

  1. Strong Words delivered by a very Strong Yogini. Refreshed by this essay. And yes,I not only take it granted that you are my friend,but also believe strongly that you are one of the finest and bestest friend I have.We never had an interaction face-to-face or we never talked much on internet space but whatever we communicated,I cherish it a lot. 🙂

  2. Beautiful! Sometimes the hardest thing to do but in the end the best for oneself. I’ve come to brake it down like this. I live in my world of love, truth, peace & happiness. The only way in my book of life to be and live. I weed my garden this way.. I provide the rope, others will find the tree and make the noose. And many have which is why they aren’t around anymore. But so many more haven’t and life is blissful for us. Harsh? Maybe, but its what works for me. Congratulations on your fall cleaning!

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