Always Stand in the Light

I’m about to revisit a familiar thread here, won’t you take the ride with me?

Lifestyle. Green. Progressive. Alternative. Conscious. Non-harming. Whatever you want to call it, however we choose to categorize it (as if it could be categorical at all)…a lot of it has to do with my generation. A lot of it also has to do with my spirit, who I am, my Divine Awareness and the path I’m meant to walk.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, as it’s deeply important to me. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt the ones I love. I don’t want my Mom and Dad to ever feel fear, worry, doubt or anger at my hand. But, at the end of the day, they are their own people. They have lived decades longer than I have and had entire lives before they brought me into the world. I respect that, and the older I get the more able I am to detach from their opinions in a healthy way. What they think matters profoundly to me, but it no longer shapes everything I do. They don’t expect it to. It used to, though, when I was younger.

Guilt has always been a big part of my existence, another karmic tendency to work out, ideally in this life. Guilt over things said, not said, done, not done, things I can’t change and things I can. It’s strange, guilt. It eats away at the soul and creates a little muddy hole in the spirit in which to festers. Guilt is so gross. I have no interest in guilt anymore.

So, as of late (since starting nutrition school especially, and being immersed in the world of green living and avoiding toxicity, in addition to ultra clean eating), I’ve found myself bumping into a few roadblocks with my darling parents.

Earnest (on my part) but concerned (on his part) debates over the flu shot and immunizations with my dad…oh God honey, don’t become one of “those people” who doesn’t vaccinate their kids for measles. Walking through the department store with my Mumma and hearing her say I don’t feel like I can share things with you and I feel left out of your lifestyle and you’re so restrictive. Hearing their concern, occasional sadness, and yet having their full support in my endeavors, is emotional for me. I am so grateful to have a set of loving parents who uplift me in every way. They’re not asking me to change, they just talk to me like adults and telling me how they feel. They support me and admire all of the many positive influences of my lifestyle. But they are also honest about how my strict manner of living makes them feel. It makes me sad to think my dad might fear I’m heading down a loosey goosey weirdo road, and it deeply wounds my spirit to even consider my mom feeling as though she’s lost an important mother-daughter bond with me as a result of the lifestyle I lead.

I don’t expect to always be so strict. But who knows. I know right now I’m pretty dang freaked out about everything from BPA to neurotoxins in other people’s perfumes, so I’ll say it myself that I hope I’m able to relax a smidge at some point. It’s like, once they turn the lights on, it’s BRIGHT…

What I mean by that is, once you learn the truth about so many “everyday” things, it’s hard to tolerate them anymore. Products, foods, activities, what-have-you; once I learned what the government is doing to our food supply, became aware of how wasteful our packaging is, was educated on and became enlightened by the myriad of benefits of a green, plant-based lifestyle…I found joy. But I also found a little pit of fear and guilt. Guilt if I stray from my eco-conscious lifestyle by burning a candle from Bed Bath and Beyond (which I now know contain neurotoxins), and fear of all the “evils” out there (plastic island floating in the ocean, anyone?). I know, I know…I sound like a fanatical extremist, I hear it too. I’m certainly not ignorant of it. I do believe, though, that even when I settle down from this holy smokes I just learned all this and everything’s toxic and I don’t want any of it in my life novice green living stage, life won’t be more than a stone’s throw from how it is now.

I believe in never saying never, but I also believe it’s safe to say I won’t ever eat animals again. I won’t say that I’ll be so hardcore vegetarian forever (not consuming any animal products, that is), because I do dream of having my own happy little chickens one day and eating their “happy eggs.” I like wool sweaters and treating sore throats with raw, local honey and I live on almonds, so I guess I can’t really call myself vegan anyway.

I’m fairly certain I’ll always be this wacked out about organic food, toxins and chemicals in cleaners and household products, and making everything that I physically can on my own. I know I’ll always be the one who brings canvas bags to shop everywhere and who wouldn’t dream of buying a plastic water bottle in a store. I will do silly jigs to avoid sugar and trans fat and I will likely be the one who calls ahead to see if questionable restaurants can cater to a plant-based diner such as myself.

My point is that I know I’ll always be über committed to a green lifestyle, plant-based diet and gentler, kinder way of existing. This won’t change. And, while it may seem slightly off the deep end slash inspiring to my parents, I know I’m not alone. In fact, I’m surrounded by loads of people of all ages who live the same way. I’m grateful to have learned what I’ve learned so far and to still be so young, so I can implement what I now know (and continue to learn as much as I can) and hopefully offer as much longevity to our sweet mother earth as I can in the short 100-something year life I intend to live 😉 I want to inspire the coming generations to leave the world a better place than how they found it, but it starts now. With me. With my peers. With my own family. Currently, the earth is being torn to shreds by human beings, but that’s another essay entirely so I digress…

I think it’s kind of my right, at 25, to be head-over-heels, gung-ho about my life. I understand how difficult it must be at times for the gorgeous human beings who raised me to see me stray so seemingly far from how they raised me, but I know they support my cause. I know they are rooting for me and understand me. I know they know I’m not a half-ass-anything kind of person and I’m mildly obsessive with the things I’m passionate about. By mildly I mean super. By obsessive I mean extraordinarily dedicated.

The intention I’ve set in my lifestyle is to promote healing, peace, happiness and longevity. While some may not understand that always, I know the ones who really love me will always embrace it. Just like I embrace them. I think it’s powerful and important to stay aware and in the light. To hear how one another feel, to think about how we feel, to be mirrors for one another and to express why we are the way we are.

There are few experiences as valuable as shedding light on personal truths, and still saying “I love you,” with a smile, when you’ve finished.



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