Transparency and Authenticity

Sometimes when I lay back in savasana or sit down in meditation, it goes like this: thoughts racing a million miles a minute, planning, thinking, contemplating, wondering, suddenly everything in need of processing spills out…it can sometimes go on and on. Then it’s followed by some squirming, or even just the urge to squirm…sometimes it doesn’t feel like “meditation” or deep relaxation at all but rather a big challenge. Then suddenly, as if struck from behind with a tranquilizer, I sink deep. DEEP. Ahhhh…still, peaceful warmth. How did I get here? What if I had given up during the thinking and squirming? I’d’ve missed the sinking. I’d’ve missed the depth. This practice is a journey. It was never meant to be perfect and pretty, absolute serenity and silence. Sometimes we get glimpses of that. But the practice itself is messy, revealing, and yet the most deeply rewarding one we could have. Each time we sit, we inch forward in our journey, we chip away at the nonsense that we so often mistake as “ourselves.” We discover our true Selves. We go deep. I believe in transparency and authenticity…and I’ll be the first to say going deep is not as swift and simple as we’d like to think. We must crawl back into ourselves. We must earn the depth with patience and practice. But we can…and we will. We can withstand the racing thoughts, the squirming fidgets. We can sit with ourselves and let the depth come to us.

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