This morning as I sat in prayer after my yoga practice ended, I was overcome with the presence of God. I could feel the light pouring into the moment. My breath just a whisper, that sacred, quiet calm…almost shallow sensation it takes on after savasana. Eyes softly closed and palms hovering together at my heart. Everything felt still. Everything felt illuminated. Like God was standing before me, His hands on my cheeks, Her face bowed towards me.
As though the top of my head, my crown chakra, were opened and Divinity were trickling in with some much needed medicine, some soulful poetry. I sat there frozen, but soft, mesmerized by the blinding light of my own inner eyelids.
What did God have to say to me this morning, you ask?
It was a message of self-love. Gratitude. Higher thinking. Isn’t it always? It was delivered sweetly, like a kiss on the cheek, and I felt an invitation to let it linger, or let it pass. I clung to the former like a child to a rope swing; soft, supple thigh skin wound tightly around thick, bristly cord. As if catching a thread about to unravel, I held firm to the words materializing as if written by invisible hand.
Choosing to allow self-criticism and perceived scarcity to permeate our thoughts every day, is quite literally poisoning our own well. Indulging in petty comparison, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy – in other words living caged by fear – is a DISGRACE to the beautiful life we have been given. To think harmful thoughts towards our bodies is to shame the incredible blessing of a strong, able, functioning physical vessel. To compare our lives to others’ is to dishonor the exquisite existence we ourselves have built. To engage in habitual behaviors and thoughts of inadequacy is to discredit the many years of SURVIVAL we have under our belts.
We have been SO blessed. Lungs that can breathe, legs that can walk, eyes that can see, ears that can hear (and perhaps not even that much, for many of us). May we ALL choose a story of gratitude and abundance. May we decide, intentionally, to shift the internal conversation when the voices of our demons begin to murmur. May we instead drench that darkness with our light, the light of God, the sheer illuminating capacity in the act of giving thanks. May we realize how ungrateful an act it is to engage in these thoughts, and kindly forgive ourselves for the transgression.
It sounds so easy, but it’s not. It feels as if you could just flip a switch and live in abundant gratitude from here forward, when you have a taste of the light, but nothing is ever so simple. Night will come, and darkness will creep back upon us. We’re human, and our minds are powerful tools. But practice makes “more practiced.” Too often we live unconsciously, slaves to our own habits and vices. Chained to our stories of inadequacy.
I can feel God cringing each time I frown at my reflection or fail to see how much I have. I can imagine how regretful I would be, later in life, if I did not commit NOW to the practice of carefully directing my attention and energy towards things that actually MATTER. We don’t even know how long we have here. My prayer for us all is that we learn to master our own thoughts, or at least to work more cooperatively with them, opening up space for joy and love and GRATITUDE like we’ve never known before. That is my prayer for each one of us, this day and every day. Let the light in.